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Friendship Skills Learned Early

By: Laura Newman
Your child’s friendships are a pivotal part of healthy development. For toddlers, a friend is merely someone to stack blocks with; for an older child, it is so much more. The skills needed to make good friends, be good friends and retain friends, starts early in life. Those with friends have a greater sense of well-being, better self-esteem and fewer social problems, both as children and later as adults. At school, children who form healthy friendships tend to be happier and do better.

Much of the modeling for these skills starts at home as children learn a variety of social skills through their interactions with parents and siblings. Your child will repeatedly practice conversational skills, empathy, perspective taking, a willingness to compromise, share, take turns and follow rules.

As they grow and experience different flavors of friendship, all kids strengthen their ability to form bonds that teach them the lay of the land with regards to friends. Most children want to have friends and the sad truth is, when they have difficulty in making or keeping friends, it often leads to loneliness, feelings of rejection and distress. The mutual exchange between friends most often are based on well matched needs, no different than adult relationships. While these needs and interpersonal skills change over time, their ideas about friendship too may change.

While friends often experience more conflict between one another, the resolution typically comes swiftly and without compromising the strength of the relationship. As long as one person does not dominate the friendship, the cooperation will work well. As children grow older, groups are established, often with rules about what occurs during play. The frequency of conflict is normal based on child development and should not be considered a stressor to the parent. As long as others are not excluded or bullied, allow your child the respect to manage their circle of friends as we do our own.

Tips for Parents

  • Be an emotional coach by talking with your child in a sympathetic way that does not trivialize feelings.
  • Be authoritative in your parenting style using balance that is characterized by a child-centered approach, holding high expectations as you help him find appropriate outlets to solve problems. This support will properly encourage independence and a greater sense of self-confidence.
  • Teach your child to communicate politely and foster empathy and concern for others. A child is never too young to see and experience these feelings.
  • Help your child learn to read facial expressions which with guidance and frequency, work to better determine the course that may follow between interactions. We often underestimate the importance that facial expressions carry between children and their play.
  • Be available as the strong role model your child will ultimately follow as he masters the skills necessary to strengthen and broaden his important social circle.

Friendships are pivotal to healthy development and while your youngest child will bask in the joy of one on one play, usually without too much incident, older children will experience the growth that brings with it, unbridled joy that meaningful relationships bring!

Bio: Laura Newman is the Quality Assurance and Education Program Specialist at the corporate office of a child care franchise. With twenty four years of experience she designed curricula, managed a consulting business, led parenting and early education workshops, and the design and development of newsletters. She sits on the executive board of the Georgia Preschool Association, is an Advisory Panel Member of the Georgia Child Care Association (GCCA) and is a member of the several national and state associations. Laura and her husband have four children.