Imaginary Friends: Should You Worry?

Many, but not all, young children have had at least one imaginary friend. In most cases, your child's imaginary friend shouldn't be cause for concern. Most kids abandon their imaginary friendships before they begin kindergarten. Imaginary friends serve an important social role in your child's life. They serve as a sort of "sounding board" for behavior.

When children need a confidant, they turn to their imaginary friend. They are great playmates when no one else is available, and they can even help your child sort through what is right and what is wrong.

Imaginary Friends as Mirror Selves

Imaginary friends can even tell us a thing or two about what is going on in our child's life. Kids that are afraid may discuss the fears of their imaginary friend. They may comfort their friend after a bad dream or even when the friend encounters a scary situation. For instance, if you hear your child telling his imaginary friend that it's ok to be nervous before preschool, it may be a sign that he is having a bit of trouble making the adjustment himself.

Welcoming an Imaginary Friend

Since you may need to socialize with your child's imaginary friend, you'll need to know what to do. Here are some helpful tips.

• Be welcoming. Don't treat your child as if having an imaginary friend is "odd" or "weird."
• Get to know him/her. Ask your child about his imaginary friend. What is his/her name? How old is he/she?
• Be polite. It's ok to set a place at the dinner table for your child's imaginary friend. You should also apologize when you sit on the friend of step on him/her.

Although having an imaginary friend is often a normal part of your child's development, there will be times when you need to draw the line.

• Don't let your child pass blame for what he does onto his imaginary friend. You should not let your child get away with saying something like "Billy broke the window, not me." Your child needs to be responsible for his own behavior.
• Make sure that your child's only friendship isn't with someone invisible. Imaginary friends are fun; they don't argue and they let your child be the boss. But, if your child's only peer relationship is with his imaginary friend, you'll want to encourage him to make friends at school, with a neighbor's child, or in playgroups.

Yes, having an invisible friend is perfectly normal for many children. They seem to serve a purpose then they disappear as mysteriously as they appear. Most often, your child's imaginary friend will move away, take a long trip and never return, or, in some cases, suffer a horrible death. However, should your child's imaginary friend persist past the age of five or so, you may want to discuss the matter with your pediatrician.